I am a wanderer this is what I've known
Going here and there, pretty much everywhere
This life is a blessing but also a deep challenge
For I desire to explore but also have a home
But then I am remided that home is not a physical place
It is a state of my heart as I trust God and follow his path
Right now it seems to be taking me to random places
But these places are where my heart and my faith are being grown
This is a priceless concept for me to comprehend
All the lessons and gems I am to hold in an open hand
No matter where I am, there is my Lord
Revealing more and more of his beautiful will for my life
I'm learning to be ok with not knowing tomorrow
With setting this heart of mine on pilgrimage
With only one desire to know my God deeper
And live with his people in open, honest fellowship
May this life be a selfless offering to you my Lord
May I know what it means to truly serve and love
May I be able to step out of my comfort zone
And embrace a life being lived in the unknown
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Improv of the Heart
I sit here and write not sure where it's gonna go
but one thing I know is that my heart is heavy
full of passion, excitement, and often of pride
with a growing desire simply to know
To know the heart of another
To enter into their stories of hurt and shame
of laughter and joy and memories so vague
this is life; to know and to be known
how hard it is to let another in
yet how badly we want to be understood
how badly we want to be valued and loved
but without the risk of the ugly being exposed
we can never truly be loved at all
we can never truly be known
oh heart of mine, face this fear
enter this time with confidence and trust
that he who formed you is right and good
for this is your life, may it be understood
Monday, January 7, 2008
Quotes to Ponder
Rainer Rilke quotes:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”
“Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.”
“Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.”
“...perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.”
“It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it”
“When I saw others straining toward God, I did not understand it, for though I may have had him less than they did, there was no one blocking the way between him and me, and I could reach his heart easily. It is up to him, after all, to have us, our part consists of almost solely in letting him grasp us.”
Monday, December 17, 2007
Freedom
Written on 12-3-06
I have been thinking a lot about freedom lately, especially a definition that was recently given to me by one of my professors. She defined freedom as: the ability to pause between stimulus and response and make a conscious value choice, taking responsibility for consequences to ourselves and others. This definition has caused me to realize that true freedom lies in the very choices we make that constitute the development of our own lives and also aim at building the lives of others around us regardless of who they are. I have come to understand that developing an overall lifestyle of good character and respectable values is necessary in order to develop a greater ability to be able to make those crucial, value choices in those sometimes very brief windows of decision-making between stimulus and response. These brief moments of decision-making are often some of the most crucial deciding factors of who we grow to be and what we stand for in life. It is the little that adds up over time that makes the difference between a person of good character and one who yields to pressure and negative influence in making valuable life choices. Freedom is the ability to confidently maintain control over our own personal choices we make in life.
Another thought I have been faced with is the question of whether accepting freedom also means accepting responsibility? This has caused me to look at my own life, especially recently as I have the freedom to make decisions regarding my future. I realize that along with this freedom to think and make conscious value choices, there must also be an appropriate acceptance of responsibility for this freedom, not only to myself but to others as well. I have the responsibility to better my own self in order to appropriately live in my freedom. As my professor also reminded us, freedom without self-mastery is a snare and a delusion. I have taken this concept of freedom and responsibility and related it to my relationship with Christ.
As I recognize and understand the deep significance and meaning of the gift of freedom in Christ I am obligated and compelled to live a life that accurately reflects the intention of this freedom. Accepting the freedom that Christ gives is not a liberty to reject responsibility for life choices, rather it is the acceptance of a deep responsibility to appropriately honor that freedom by my life choices. Seeking to develop a holistic lifestyle of godliness and Christ-like values is a great responsibility that ultimately reflects the freedom I have to make those choices. To accept freedom, which is the ability to pause between stimulus and response and make a conscious value choice, we must also accept that this means a deep responsibility for the choices we do make and the consequences that they have on our own self and on others.
I have been thinking a lot about freedom lately, especially a definition that was recently given to me by one of my professors. She defined freedom as: the ability to pause between stimulus and response and make a conscious value choice, taking responsibility for consequences to ourselves and others. This definition has caused me to realize that true freedom lies in the very choices we make that constitute the development of our own lives and also aim at building the lives of others around us regardless of who they are. I have come to understand that developing an overall lifestyle of good character and respectable values is necessary in order to develop a greater ability to be able to make those crucial, value choices in those sometimes very brief windows of decision-making between stimulus and response. These brief moments of decision-making are often some of the most crucial deciding factors of who we grow to be and what we stand for in life. It is the little that adds up over time that makes the difference between a person of good character and one who yields to pressure and negative influence in making valuable life choices. Freedom is the ability to confidently maintain control over our own personal choices we make in life.
Another thought I have been faced with is the question of whether accepting freedom also means accepting responsibility? This has caused me to look at my own life, especially recently as I have the freedom to make decisions regarding my future. I realize that along with this freedom to think and make conscious value choices, there must also be an appropriate acceptance of responsibility for this freedom, not only to myself but to others as well. I have the responsibility to better my own self in order to appropriately live in my freedom. As my professor also reminded us, freedom without self-mastery is a snare and a delusion. I have taken this concept of freedom and responsibility and related it to my relationship with Christ.
As I recognize and understand the deep significance and meaning of the gift of freedom in Christ I am obligated and compelled to live a life that accurately reflects the intention of this freedom. Accepting the freedom that Christ gives is not a liberty to reject responsibility for life choices, rather it is the acceptance of a deep responsibility to appropriately honor that freedom by my life choices. Seeking to develop a holistic lifestyle of godliness and Christ-like values is a great responsibility that ultimately reflects the freedom I have to make those choices. To accept freedom, which is the ability to pause between stimulus and response and make a conscious value choice, we must also accept that this means a deep responsibility for the choices we do make and the consequences that they have on our own self and on others.
In His Shoes
Written on 4-18-03
2.jpg)
I woke up today a little bit confused
I was walking around in someone else’s shoes
As I looked around I became aware
I was in a place of remarkable despair
"It’s dark in this place," I said to myself,
"It’s cold and empty, there’s not even a shelf"
I looked down to find chains attached to me
Around my hands and feet as I began to see
I was in the jail cell where my Savior once was
The place where they beat Him just because
Then soldiers came in and they dragged me out
They began to mock me with yells and shouts
They stuck a crown of thorns upon my head
And struck me with a whip as I bled
The pain was agonizing yet somehow I knew
It would only get worse in this man’s shoes
Weak and broken I cried out to my Lord
I felt that pain as I was nailed to the board
Never have I felt such pain inside me
Yet He endured it so I could be free
I struggled to make it up that dreaded hill
The place where I would hand over my will
I felt so wretched, I felt so much shame
Every sin on that cross bore my name
As I hung there I took a look around
Staring at the people as my tears hit the ground
I know why he died, he did it for me
He endured such pain to save the people I see
I was growing weak I couldn’t grasp any air
With one last breath I was assured that he cared
So I closed my eyes and felt the release
My soul has been touched by His hand of peace
Now I can imagine what that day might have been for Him
And how victory came when it looked so grim
Looking back to that day it would be hard to choose
To walk another mile in that man’s shoes
But that’s exactly how he’s called me to live
To love and to serve and to always forgive
My life is not my own, I now have an obligation
To bring this news to all of the nations!
2.jpg)
I woke up today a little bit confused
I was walking around in someone else’s shoes
As I looked around I became aware
I was in a place of remarkable despair
"It’s dark in this place," I said to myself,
"It’s cold and empty, there’s not even a shelf"
I looked down to find chains attached to me
Around my hands and feet as I began to see
I was in the jail cell where my Savior once was
The place where they beat Him just because
Then soldiers came in and they dragged me out
They began to mock me with yells and shouts
They stuck a crown of thorns upon my head
And struck me with a whip as I bled
The pain was agonizing yet somehow I knew
It would only get worse in this man’s shoes
Weak and broken I cried out to my Lord
I felt that pain as I was nailed to the board
Never have I felt such pain inside me
Yet He endured it so I could be free
I struggled to make it up that dreaded hill
The place where I would hand over my will
I felt so wretched, I felt so much shame
Every sin on that cross bore my name
As I hung there I took a look around
Staring at the people as my tears hit the ground
I know why he died, he did it for me
He endured such pain to save the people I see
I was growing weak I couldn’t grasp any air
With one last breath I was assured that he cared
So I closed my eyes and felt the release
My soul has been touched by His hand of peace
Now I can imagine what that day might have been for Him
And how victory came when it looked so grim
Looking back to that day it would be hard to choose
To walk another mile in that man’s shoes
But that’s exactly how he’s called me to live
To love and to serve and to always forgive
My life is not my own, I now have an obligation
To bring this news to all of the nations!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
The Plunge
Written on 9-13-06
When was the last time you took the plunge? When did you make the choice to do something that wasn’t easy for you to do? As recorded in the dictionary, taking the plunge is: to enter with sudden decision upon an unfamiliar course of action, as after hesitation or deliberation.
You might be asking why I chose the visual of kayaking to pose a question such as this. Pictured above, you can see this kayaker taking the plunge off of a ten foot cliffside into the water below. Pictured below you see two other kayakers literally plunging full body into the massive rapids. The reason why I choose these visuals is to represent a picture of what it means, in the face of fear and hesitation, to enter into the unknowns of the adventure environment.
As a kayaker myself, I can relate to what these boaters may have been feeling in the midst of their plunges. River waters are very powerful, and can be very dangerous if not approached appropriately. One thing I have learned however, along with the relentless power of rivers, is the fact that they are predictable. With the proper knowledge about rivers one is able to understand that a river has characteristics that we can use either for or against our advantage.
Every time I have entered the waters of a river I have experienced some sort of healthy fear of the ultimate unknown of what could come of my actions. Have these thoughts stopped me however, from allowing myself to enjoy what God has created? Not yet. I have found it to be such an incredible feeling when I am able to keep paddling when, in the distance, I can see the horizon line dropping and hear the waters being stirred up as the powerful rapids take their form. I have found that in this moment of hesitation and fear I have two choices: 1. To back down and bail out, which can sometimes put you in an even scarier position or 2. Make the choice to paddle hard with the confidence of the knowledge I do have and enjoy the ride however crazy it may be sometimes.
Now taking the plunge is not to inappropriately put yourself into a potentially dangerous situation just for the thrill of it. Taking the plunge requires a balance of proper knowledge, healthy fear, and good judgment calls. When these three are combined it makes for an incredible opportunity to learn and be stretched by trying new things. I have met people who think I’m crazy for wanting to go down a river with rapids this big just for the challenge and enjoyment it brings me. We must decide for ourselves what causes us to hesitate or fear, and make it a purpose to plunge into these things with a confident spirit, knowing that to overcome our fear is to experience release and freedom to enjoy life more fully.
I have found that each time I take the plunge into something difficult for me to do, I become more likely to do it again the next time. We must learn through continual experience how to develop a lifestyle that is able to take the plunge when it is good for us to do so. So what are you waiting for, take the plunge!
When was the last time you took the plunge? When did you make the choice to do something that wasn’t easy for you to do? As recorded in the dictionary, taking the plunge is: to enter with sudden decision upon an unfamiliar course of action, as after hesitation or deliberation.
You might be asking why I chose the visual of kayaking to pose a question such as this. Pictured above, you can see this kayaker taking the plunge off of a ten foot cliffside into the water below. Pictured below you see two other kayakers literally plunging full body into the massive rapids. The reason why I choose these visuals is to represent a picture of what it means, in the face of fear and hesitation, to enter into the unknowns of the adventure environment.
As a kayaker myself, I can relate to what these boaters may have been feeling in the midst of their plunges. River waters are very powerful, and can be very dangerous if not approached appropriately. One thing I have learned however, along with the relentless power of rivers, is the fact that they are predictable. With the proper knowledge about rivers one is able to understand that a river has characteristics that we can use either for or against our advantage.
Every time I have entered the waters of a river I have experienced some sort of healthy fear of the ultimate unknown of what could come of my actions. Have these thoughts stopped me however, from allowing myself to enjoy what God has created? Not yet. I have found it to be such an incredible feeling when I am able to keep paddling when, in the distance, I can see the horizon line dropping and hear the waters being stirred up as the powerful rapids take their form. I have found that in this moment of hesitation and fear I have two choices: 1. To back down and bail out, which can sometimes put you in an even scarier position or 2. Make the choice to paddle hard with the confidence of the knowledge I do have and enjoy the ride however crazy it may be sometimes.
Now taking the plunge is not to inappropriately put yourself into a potentially dangerous situation just for the thrill of it. Taking the plunge requires a balance of proper knowledge, healthy fear, and good judgment calls. When these three are combined it makes for an incredible opportunity to learn and be stretched by trying new things. I have met people who think I’m crazy for wanting to go down a river with rapids this big just for the challenge and enjoyment it brings me. We must decide for ourselves what causes us to hesitate or fear, and make it a purpose to plunge into these things with a confident spirit, knowing that to overcome our fear is to experience release and freedom to enjoy life more fully.
I have found that each time I take the plunge into something difficult for me to do, I become more likely to do it again the next time. We must learn through continual experience how to develop a lifestyle that is able to take the plunge when it is good for us to do so. So what are you waiting for, take the plunge!
Led By His Hand
Written on 9-15-06
When was the last time you allowed someone else to direct your steps? When we often walk through life on our own we may be missing out on valuable lessons to be learned when we allow someone else to lead the way.
Pictured above are two individuals on a little adventure. As part of a team building experience for an outdoor education program, each member of a group is paired up and given a task. The task for the one blindfolded is to simply follow as her partner leads her on an adventure. The task of the one leading (not known by the blindfolded one) is to lead his partner to a specific tree on this camp’s property that she will then have to go and find once her blindfold is taken off. Throughout the entire experience both the one leading and the one following must be silent.
This picture was taken toward the end of their journey after going over, under and through many obstacles. The hand you see raised by the blindfolded one is not a hello wave, instead it is a hand of protection being held out in front of her, not knowing a picture was being taken. The playground set you see in the background is where this pair just came from and is the reason I am writing about this adventure.
After bringing his partner to a tree and making her feel around and get acquainted with it, hoping she will be able to find it again later, the one leading decided to then lead his partner through this child sized playground set as an added challenge. As I watched her scramble and feel around trying to climb up the little ladder, through the tiny tunnel on her stomach and under bars without hitting her head, I saw something beautiful occurring. I saw trust taking place in one of the most simple yet hardest ways. She was entrusting her physical safety to the one leading her. She had no clue what she was in for when she put that blindfold on, but throughout the entire journey with him she trusted and walked the path that he set for her. At times it was hard for her, at times she didn’t quite understand what was going on, and at times she felt a little fear of the unknown that she was walking into, but she walked on regardless of these things. In the end however, she even had a smile on her face, knowing that she had just experienced life from a different perspective.
As an observer of this event, I was able to draw some parallels between this experience and my own faith life. As a follower of Christ, I have chosen to walk with God through this life of adventure. At times it seems like I am walking blindfolded, having to follow Him in silence, not always knowing where I am going or what I am doing, but simply trusting that I am in good hands. On this journey there will be obstacles and challenges I will have to walk through but His hand of protection will always be present.
When was the last time you allowed someone else to direct your steps? When we often walk through life on our own we may be missing out on valuable lessons to be learned when we allow someone else to lead the way.
Pictured above are two individuals on a little adventure. As part of a team building experience for an outdoor education program, each member of a group is paired up and given a task. The task for the one blindfolded is to simply follow as her partner leads her on an adventure. The task of the one leading (not known by the blindfolded one) is to lead his partner to a specific tree on this camp’s property that she will then have to go and find once her blindfold is taken off. Throughout the entire experience both the one leading and the one following must be silent.
This picture was taken toward the end of their journey after going over, under and through many obstacles. The hand you see raised by the blindfolded one is not a hello wave, instead it is a hand of protection being held out in front of her, not knowing a picture was being taken. The playground set you see in the background is where this pair just came from and is the reason I am writing about this adventure.
After bringing his partner to a tree and making her feel around and get acquainted with it, hoping she will be able to find it again later, the one leading decided to then lead his partner through this child sized playground set as an added challenge. As I watched her scramble and feel around trying to climb up the little ladder, through the tiny tunnel on her stomach and under bars without hitting her head, I saw something beautiful occurring. I saw trust taking place in one of the most simple yet hardest ways. She was entrusting her physical safety to the one leading her. She had no clue what she was in for when she put that blindfold on, but throughout the entire journey with him she trusted and walked the path that he set for her. At times it was hard for her, at times she didn’t quite understand what was going on, and at times she felt a little fear of the unknown that she was walking into, but she walked on regardless of these things. In the end however, she even had a smile on her face, knowing that she had just experienced life from a different perspective.
As an observer of this event, I was able to draw some parallels between this experience and my own faith life. As a follower of Christ, I have chosen to walk with God through this life of adventure. At times it seems like I am walking blindfolded, having to follow Him in silence, not always knowing where I am going or what I am doing, but simply trusting that I am in good hands. On this journey there will be obstacles and challenges I will have to walk through but His hand of protection will always be present.
I was challenged by this picture to consider how I respond when I’m walking through a time in life with the blindfold on. Do I hold my hand up in attempt to protect myself, even when I don’t know what I’m trying to protect myself from, or do I simply walk at ease knowing that the hand I’m holding is a hand that desires what is good for me. I don’t know why it is always so hard to trust God in everything, but one thing I did learn from watching this event is that the more I know the character of the one leading me, the more I am able to trust Him with my life. So the question that I continually ask myself is: Am I daily seeking to know God more and trust Him as I am being led by His Hand?
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